Recently as I was meeting with another favorite client (can you tell I have many?) I had another revelation for the single people of the world. This revelation can actually be applied to many situations and circumstances but is very fitting when applied to relationships.

The chat I was having with this client centered on a recent relationship prospect and the varied perspectives given by friends about the potential guy. Initially, this prospect had pursued her with enthusiasm but gradually he became very distant and the pursuit became non-existent. The friends were encouraging her to stick with it and stay engaged in the supposed “relationship”.

She expressed that she didn’t want to make this “something” work but preferred to wait for the right situation. As she spoke, the following words came to mind, “Desperation leads to compromise”. I was surprised by how deeply they resonated within me.

I believe the friends had her best interests at heart but she didn’t feel desperate to make something happen. Because of this, she was less likely to take the mediocre and lackadaisical behavior he exhibited.
Practicing the principle of not compromising is so important during the season of dating. Many become fixated on meeting someone and settling down, but fail to see that over time desperation becomes a normal part of life. Out of this desperation they begin to “settle” for things that initially wouldn’t have been acceptable in their dating relationships. Eventually I have seen this lead into acceptance of any and all types of behavior.

Take this principle and apply it to the loss of a job. When my husband was downsized from his executive level job several years ago at first he was only willing to consider positions of similar compensation and responsibilities. Slowly, his standards lowered to the point that he was willing to wait tables just to have a job, something to do but it never came to that. Strategic doors opened that ultimately led over the course of a year to a good job, for a good company closer to home.

It can be easy to become desperate and ultimately accept something that may have been outside the standards and scope of what was initially pursued. This can also apply to friendships, situations, and environments. We could become so desperate to maintain any relationship that we are willing to compromise our standards to maintain it.

This is a principle that can be globally applied and that all people can heed, including myself. I have been guilty of compromising in situations and desperation to take over. I am here to say that this isn’t God’s best. It isn’t His intent for us to settle or change our standards to meet the situation or desperation that we feel. It is our responsibility to constantly be listening and paying attention to the standards set before us as our own by the Holy Spirit.

Many people may want to impose their standards upon you, don’t let that happen. Stay strong, remain true to the standards God has for you and avoid all potential for compromise. Hang in there, regardless if it is a relationship, job, or other situation, the standards you have are there for a reason. You are worth waiting for the best instead of settling for the now.

- Dr. Cassie Reid

 

So last week I heard a great deal about the latest edition of Time magazine with a cover that featured an article on attachment parenting. I couldn’t wait to see what all of the hype was about. I finally found enough time to read the article and truly couldn’t wait go get my thoughts on paper. These are my unedited thoughts only minutes after reading the article but I feel so much of the concept needs to be addressed. I must first add the disclaimer that I have not birthed any children. I understand that there is an emotional, hormonal, and physical process that happens when this occurs but let’s be honest; common sense does not leave us just because these processes are happening.
The basic premise of the attachment parenting technique involves the parent being responsive to the child and their every whim. I couldn’t help but think about how potentially detrimental this would be to marriages. It made me start thinking about how the enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). His main desire is to destroy marriages and families. He loves to bring division and strife. I could only think about the number of marriages I have seen struggle as a result of the children being put before the spouse. This is central basis for this parenting method. The kids needs come first, the child(ren) are invited into the marriage bed, women exist to meet the every need of their child.
My belief, based upon my own convictions and my experiences as a marriage therapist, is that the marriage comes first, period. The union of marriage was designed to be the foundation of the family system, but if children are allowed to take the place of the spouse and gain more control than the spouse things are most definitely out of spiritual order. I understand that some things naturally shift once the child comes into the world but one of the most critical things is to keep the relationship between you and your spouse a significant priority.
I was also struck by the history behind this theory including the past of Dr. Sears and his wife. I find that so many people base their present on their past. This seems like the natural path our lives follow, but in reality it is definitely not the best way to approach life. In the article Dr. Sears describes childhood years being raised by a single mother but mostly by the Catholic Church. He discusses how his mother worked a great deal and really wasn’t around for him during those impressionable years. He also discusses his wife, Martha, and how her mother was diagnosed as schizophrenic.
In my humble opinion these seem like two people who are greatly motivated by past hurts. I feel that they may even have inner vows that prohibit them from being totally free of the past they have allowed to shape their theories so greatly. So many times we function out of our wounds, which is again the tool of the enemy. Two wounded people, wishing they had more quality time with their mothers, developed an empire based upon this hurt. I see the Sears’ as two wounded people, wishing things had been different for them, and providing influence that could potentially be damaging to the generations to come.
There are so many things that we can take away from this article and the concepts within. I always want to be sure that everything I do is in agreement with the Word of God. I always want to “affair proof” my marriage and put that relationship first. I always want to strive to be the best person I can be living in a healthy way in response to my past. I always want to make my decisions based upon my personal convictions and the direction of the Holy Spirit. I always want to read the perspectives of other people in order to sharpen my own, just like in this situation.
I hope that this allows you to see a varied perspective on the healthiest way to raise your children. I know that sometimes dealing with our past can be difficult but it is very necessary. It is essential that we deal with ourselves to then in turn parent our children effectively. This is not the end of this discussion I am sure; I welcome your comments, questions, and even disagreements on the article and this subject. I know without the varied opinions and perspectives this world would be a very boring place.

Pickert, K. (2012, May 21). The man who remade motherhood. Time, 179, 32-39.

Dr. Cassie Reid

One of the best things about living in the great state of Texas is the wide-open, sun-filled sky. I love driving down any road or highway just about anywhere in Texas on a beautiful day. It feels like anything good is possible and I wish that every day was just . . . like . . . this . . .

But is that what is truly best for me? Would a seemingly low-stress, easy existence really benefit me? After last week, I would have to say no. Shocking, I know, but I got a word today from God that changed the way I feel about the need for storms.

Let me give a bit of background info about me. I grew up very conservative in my church life. I was Southern Baptist to the core. We didn’t raise our hands in church, no one yelled out “C’MON! PREACH IT!!” (My wife, the lovely Cassie Reid is sometimes overcome with the need to yell out things like this to whomever is speaking at our home church, Gateway, most weekends) and worship felt like reading aloud in solemn, monotones in a very serious setting.

Upon coming to Gateway Church about 7 years ago, the worshipper in me was awakened and many things about my outward expression of faith were changed for the better. The one thing that didn’t change was my earnest desire to have a walk with God that didn’t involve sharp peaks and low valleys. I have observed acquaintances (not friends so please don’t unfriend me on Facebook or unfollow or worse block me on Twitter) that were riding the highest high “GOD IS SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD TO ME!!” around let’s say lunchtime but by evening “the enemy is attacking me, why is God allowing this to happen . . .” leading to an extreme low.

This takes me back to the thought that storms are necessary. Here in North Texas we deal with some severe storms in the spring that sometimes bring the threat of strong winds, damaging hail and destructive tornados. Knowing how to react to each, especially the threat of a tornado, is an important example of learning a valuable skill. Preparation and how quickly a person reacts with the correct response can sometimes mean life or death. I have lived in some part of North Texas or Southwestern Oklahoma for the majority of my life so these storms are a normal part of life for me. I learned at an early age the difference between a Tornado Warning and a Tornado Watch (if you don’t and you live in a Tornado prone part of the country go here to find out the difference) and the importance of seeking shelter when hail started falling.

If I had lived everyday in what I thought was the ideal with sunshine and blue skies, I would have never learned how to deal with the storms that would show up someday.

As a believer, I find myself often praying something like, “God, bless me and my family today, give us Your favor today at work, in school, with friends and thank you for Your generous provision . . .” and on and on. While at work on a slow, Friday afternoon God’s Holy Spirit showed up and He tapped me on the shoulder. The conversation centered around the fact that God sends storms to teach us something, to prepare us for something down the road. Sometimes that same storm can show up 2 times, 16 times, 100 times (for me it can number in the hundreds for some of the lessons I need to learn) until we learn the lessons on how to not be freaked out about that particular storm. If the thunderstorm freaks me out every time, how will I ever be able to handle a tornado or even a hurricane?

This is how God can grow us, stretch us and promote us. Instead of praying for those sunny days, we need to pray that we learn quickly from the storms we are in and the storms to come so we can be ready for what God has for us in the next step we take to the destiny He wants us to experience. Once we can handle the thunderstorm, we can learn how to deal with a tornado. Once we understand that, we can be taught how to face a hurricane, an earthquake or insert your difficult situation here.

These last 7 years, God has sent different storms my way but I am thankful for each one. I know how to react to some of those storms by understanding how to approach them and move past them without a wrench being thrown in the gears. This will allow me to wait the storm out with calm and peace knowing that God is there, that He has taught me well and that He has something beyond that storm for me.

I encourage you to not view the storms of life as a life-stopping event but instead as a life-learning event that God can use to provide a valuable teaching and preparation for what is next for you.

About our guest blogger:

James Reid is a fan of great design, great food, beautiful cars and all kinds of cool gadgets that he finds on Uncrate and Kickstarter. He is madly in love with his amazing wife, Dr. Cassie Reid, and father to the very independent Londi Reid. James along with his wife and daughter are active members of Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas and he works in the creative marketing industry as well as being a co-founder of Cassie Reid Counseling.

These are the words I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me one day in a counseling session. I started to contemplate this statement and found myself with a very true and applicable revelation. It made me think of my own strengths. I love the StrengthsFinder 2.0 book by the Gallup organization. It is a great resource that allows you to take a survey and reveals your top five strengths.
My number one strength is WOO or Winning Others Over, which involves the ability to meet new people and face the challenge of getting to know them. It also is the art of wanting people to like you, be drawn to you, and ultimately “winning them over”. It is a great strength and powerful asset in my current career choice. Using this strength allows me to make my clients feel comfortable and welcome. I love the challenge of meeting someone new and the process involved in making them comfortable in the environment.
As I thought about this strength and felt a sense of pride, I found myself understanding the statement about our strengths becoming our greatest weaknesses. It became obvious that there are many opportunities where the enemy uses this strength against me. I have found myself in situations where I could lovingly be called a doormat. The sobering reality is my WOO strength can allow other people take advantage of and use me to gain an advantage.
This may sound very depressing and somewhat pessimistic but it is quite the opposite. Anything that we bring into the light, or into recognition, will give us power over that very thing. I now have knowledge that my greatest strength can be used against me and become a weakness. This allows me to be more aware of the motives of those around me; it allows me to ensure that I am operating fully in my strength. This also gives me power over the enemy and his desire to distort, destroy, and manipulate something that is made for good.
I speak with many who have allowed their greatest strength to become their greatest enemy. They don’t understand this is the very thing that makes them unique, valuable, and precious. Instead, the strength is viewed as something to be eradicated and avoided.
I love the opportunity to show someone just how valuable and precious their unique gifts make them to the world in which they live. I think it is one of the best parts of what I have the privilege to do on a daily basis.
So my question is: Are you using your strengths as strengths or weaknesses? Do you know your strengths? If not, I highly encourage you to get the StrengthsFinder 2.0 book and find out.
Are there areas of your life that you know could be sharpened and discovered? Now is the time. The more you know about who you were created to be the sooner you will have the ability to fully live to your potential and accomplish all that is available for you.

Taking inspiration from my friend Natasha I thought it would be a good time to take some questions. I would love to answer any and all appropriate questions (let’s keep it family friendly folks) you may have. Just reply to this post on Twitter or Facebook and we will post the selected questions and answers in the blog section of the website. I look forward to your questions!

This weekend I had the opportunity to see Gungor in concert.

This was an amazing show and part of their set included segments of spoken word by poet Amena Brown. I must say the music was amazing but her spoken words throughout were absolutely the best part. She has such a way of wakening one from the inside out. Through her words she brought such life, inspiration, and truth. She shared one poem about freedom and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. In this poem she spoke this line that will forever change my perspective, “And a heart that barely finds its beat, finds its rhythm”. This is such a profound statement if you let it marinate in your mind for a moment. I decided this has now become part of my life motto, especially for Cassie Reid Counseling.
I want CRC to be a place for people to connect to the heart of God, where they previously have struggled to find a heartbeat, they now find rhythm. I have concluded that so many people have adopted the mentality that finding the rhythm or destiny for their lives is difficult, takes extreme effort, and is such a struggle. I was put on this planet to destroy that myth. Connecting to your rhythm is just the opposite: it can be easy, smooth, and accessible. The biggest tool of the enemy is to convince us that we cannot achieve what we were destined to achieve on this earth. He wants us to believe lies about our abilities and ourselves. It is my goal to help people connect to their destiny, overcome these lies, and be all that God has called them to be. So my question for you is this: are you struggling to find your heartbeat or have you found a rhythm? If you or someone you know can relate to this please visit www.cassiereid.com or let us know your thoughts in the comments section.

Recently my husband has been teaching me how to fire a handgun. This has been quite the process considering the first day he brought it home I cowered on the couch in fear of even having it in our house. Recently I have come to learn the various aspects of a handgun allowing my fear to be significantly diminished. My husband has even taken me to the gun range in order to show me how to properly load, clear, aim, and fire the weapon.

In a session with a client recently, the Holy Spirit started speaking to me about this. So many of us are given "weapons" to use in our daily lives such as discernment, the gift of teaching, prophecy, to just name a few. Individuals are many times using these weapons with no training or teaching, causing them to be a danger to themselves and others.

Let me explain. This specific client I mentioned earlier is in high school and blessed with a significant ability to discern if people are being genuine or fake. She has used this discernment and ultimately isolated herself as a result of telling others what she is sensing and feeling in the moment. This has caused her significant grief, bullying, and emotional abuse. Her use of her "weapon" of discernment is basically like me firing the handgun without any instruction. If I would have picked up the gun that first day when I was cowered on the couch i could have been a danger not only to myself but to those around me. It was important that I learn the various aspects of when, how, and why to use the handgun prior to actually using it. This lovely girl is the exact same way. She needed someone to show her how to use her "weapon" or her gifting prior to her just using it on everyone she sees.

There are many people who have been blessed with a gift but I find that many of these people are using it the complete opposite way of how God intended. They are using their gift of teaching to "school" someone, making them feel belittled and insignificant. All the while, God has been calling them to teach people His way and in His timing, resulting in edification and growth.

 I say all of this to encourage you to check your "weapon". Are you trained and educated on what your weapon is and how to use it? Do you know the exact when, how, and why you are to use your "weapon'? I encourage each of you to first identify your "weapon" or gift.

If you don't know what it is then Strengths Finder 2.0 is an excellent tool. This book will provide you the opportunity to see where you are strong and how to use that strength in the best possible way. If you do know your "weapon" or gifting then now is a good time to ask yourself if you are using it properly and safely.

I know that I have become more comfortable and at ease around the handgun since I have allowed myself to be educated, through this education I have been able to not only hit the target but actually hit the bullseye. My prayer for you is that your gifts do just that, hit the center of the target. I pray that your gifts will be strengthened and utilized the exact way God intended, resulting in a perfect shot.

Lately the power of our decisiveness has been on my mind a great deal. I have seen many people in both my personal and professional life operating decisively in ways that have been overwhelmingly spectacular or overwhelmingly dangerous. Let me explain by saying the Lord has begun to show me the power of our decisiveness. The definition describes decisiveness as “the power to determine the outcome”. The power of this word really resonates in my spirit and my mind. I have seen the power of decision making in the human mind. I have seen couples determined that they are not going to remain married, teens determined to change schools, and individuals determined to end their lives, the power of these decisions is stronger than you could imagine.

We each have the ability to choose and make decisions but what we do with that ability is what could make or break us. The Holy Spirit showed me that so many people allow their decisions to take up all of the room in their mind leaving no room for any other influence. This is where it gets dangerous. If there is no room for the Holy Spirit or any other method of reason then that can cause us to make poor decisions. A married man deciding he wants to remain with his mistress instead of his wife, is a powerful decision. It leaves little room for influence or persuasion. The Lord gave me a vision of a room with many windows and related it to our mind. The decision is like a large balloon that just keeps expanding. Eventually the windows will bust out and there is no room for anything but that decision. It is a strange image but if you can picture it you can see how there would be no room for inside or outside influence to stop the process. By allowing room for influence and input a decision doesn’t take over because there is room for it to be used in the proper way. The Lord has been teaching me about these things, because I used to be the worst when it comes to decisions. If I decided I wanted to buy something new, change my hair, or go somewhere I just set my mind that I was going to do that very thing. It became very difficult to convince me otherwise. The Lord has taught me that each decision needs to be weighed and there always needs to be room for wise counsel from any source.

Now don’t get me wrong, much power exists in making a decision and sticking with it. Many of the goals I have accomplished have been a result of decisiveness and the ability to stay focused on the goal. The thing is, even in those decisions there needs to be room for the Holy Spirit to influence and guide us. Let me share a story of a season where I started a doctoral program other than the one I ultimately graduated from. I was determined; I was walking toward the goal. One Friday night the Lord asked me if I would be willing to lay it down. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted nothing but to finish this endeavor. Reversing the decision that I had made, I did just what He asked. I laid it down, and quit after that semester. Some of you know that was the best thing for me, because I ended up starting in a different program, and completed my degree in the same amount of time.
If I would have allowed my decision to take up my entire being I would have completed a degree that would have little worth and I would be in a very different position than I am in today. I needed the “room” to allow the Holy Spirit to move me where and when He wanted to.

The Webster’s definition uses “the determinative battle”. I know that many of you are facing decisions, as you read this one or many came to your mind. I want you to understand the power of these decisions. You never know which decisions are parts of the determinative battle for your destiny. It is up to you to leave “room” to allow the Holy Spirit, wise counsel, and your own reasoning to be sure that this decision is in your absolute best interest. I challenge you to be decisive, but leave room for those decisions to be altered. Allow yourself to be determined but not so determined that your will takes over your ability to hear the Holy Spirit, think rationally, or allow individuals to speak truth into your life.

The man talking with Jesus is seeking eternal life. He wants that which Jesus alone can give. He wants that which Jesus longs to give him. Jesus simply points out the obvious. In order to receive what I'm offering, you must first let go of what you're holding, or better, what's holding you.

The man walked away sad because he was rich.

Have you ever noticed how Jesus doesn't control people? He presents truth and gives them the freedom to choose. He loves but He doesn't control. Jesus certainly wanted this man to surrender. Jesus made it clear that eternal life was at stake. But He didn't chase the man. He didn't even attempt to persuade. He presented clear options and allowed that man to make up his own mind, to be responsible for his own choices. In Jesus' presence, that man became very powerful. Powerful enough to choose death instead of life.

Jesus’ approach to relationships seems very different to what I've experienced and observed in my life. Very often, what people experience in the context of relationships is not empowering at all. They feel powerless.

Some people feel powerless because they believe others are responsible to change things that are their own responsibility. This is called blame.

Some people seek to feel powerful by assuming responsibility to change things that are someone else’s responsibility. This is called control.

Control follows from blame.

Blame says: “I’m not okay and it’s your fault.”

Control says: “I will change you so that I’ll be okay.”

Blame produces the feeling of powerlessness because it abdicates right responsibility, giving responsibility to those who have neither the power nor authority to affect the needed change. When I blame I embrace powerlessness by giving my own power to someone else.

Blame is not actual powerlessness. When I blame others for my own choices, the choices remain mine, though I am blind to this reality.Blame is only perceived powerlessness.

Control produces the feeling of power because it assumes false responsibility; taking responsibility for choices that someone else alone has the actual power and authority to make. When I control I seek to feel powerful by taking responsibility where I have no legitimate authority or power.

Control is not actual power. When I seek to control others, the choices remain theirs, though I am blind to this reality. Control is only perceived power.

Blame happens when I abdicate my own freedom. Control happens when I attempt to steal the freedom of another. Blame believes that I am powerless. Control believes that others are powerless.

Blame and control work well together to produce a culture of powerlessness, for everyone avoids responsibility in those areas where they have actual power and authority and embraces responsibility in those areas where they have no legitimate power or authority.

In this climate, nothing will ever change.

If you want to experience genuine change, you must abandon blame and control. This means you must assume responsibility for those things over which you have legitimate authority and power. You must allow others to be responsible where you have no legitimate authority or power.

Your perception must change. You must begin to see yourself as powerful and, at the same time, allow others to be powerful too. This happens when you rightly assign responsibility. You are responsible for yourself. Others are responsible for themselves. Others do not and cannot control your choices or responses, so there is no blame. You do not and cannot determine what anyone else will or won’t choose, so there is no control.

Love is possible only where there is rightly assigned responsibility.

Love is a powerful thing freely given by powerful people.When I am powerless, I cannot give love. When I believe others are powerless, I cannot receive love from them.

Love must be freely chosen or it’s not love at all.I can only choose where I have actual power. Powerlessness makes it impossible to love.

Love, when chosen, is an expression of selflessness for the benefit of another. Blame and control, on the other hand, are all about serving self. Love is fundamentally incongruent with blame and control. Even behaviors that might be classified as loving end up being expressions of manipulative self-service when they are rooted in blame and control.

When I see myself as powerful, I can voluntarily choose to benefit you with no agenda to control. When I see you as powerful, I can receive your voluntary expression of love with no fear of being controlled by you.

Who is Powerful?

You are. And if you’re not, you have no one to blame but yourself.

About Our Guest Author, Alan Smith:

Alan is married to Nancy, and father to Lauren (15), Anna (13) and Teddy (8). He currently serves as Pastor of Freedom Ministries at Gateway Church, where he helps others learn to hear God’s voice and become who they were created and redeemed to be. He wants to be an author when he grows up.

Last weekend my husband and I decided to put this verse into action. We decided to take some time away from our normal environment and normal routine to have a vision retreat. We decided that this would be a time not only to plan for Cassie Reid Counseling, but also to plan for our lives on a personal level for 2012. All of this came minutes after hearing a message by Pastor Robert Morris at Gateway Church on asking for the heart of God for yourself and your future. He discussed how so many times we say, “Let your will be done” to the Lord but then don’t even ask for what we want. The best part about this is that we have every right to ask for what we want. My husband and I did just this while we were away. We spent some time asking the Lord for specifics, things that we have been dreaming, planning, and talking about for a long time. We did just what it said in Habakkuk, we wrote it down very precisely and very detailed so that no matter who reads it, they will know our intent and our plan for this next year.

I will tell you that in just one week we have already seen some of the things we have asked for starting to come about. We have seen movement in areas where we have felt stuck and we have seen provision for things that we never dreamed possible. I say all of this to encourage you to have your own vision retreat. Whether it is getting out of town or just getting out of your house with your journal, either way you can gain vision and purpose for 2012. It is so important to have a vision for your life, it gives you a goal and something to strive to achieve. Proverbs 29:18 (MSG) “If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what He reveals, they are most blessed.” I can attest to this scripture, when I lose sight of what God is doing and what God has done in my life, I begin to falter, question, and worry that things are out of control.

So what are some things you are asking for this year? What are some areas of your life that you want to be different in 2012? I encourage you to take some time, whether an hour or a day, writing them down and asking the Lord for direction. I assure you that if you do this now, by the end of this year you will see how much has been accomplished.

The realization that Facebook has become a tool for meeting unmet needs is very evident to me now especially after hearing the story I am about to share with you. Recently, I was told about a married man who was contacted on Facebook by his sixth grade girlfriend. I must pause to emphasize the sixth grade part. When thinking about my sixth grade year I was a hot mess. I was light years away from who I am today; I loved wearing sweat suits and couldn’t even tell you my thoughts on any subject but the New Kids On The Block (please don’t judge me).

Ok, back to the situation at hand. This gentleman proceeded to tell me that this woman from his past contacted him and in the process began to discuss her failing marriage. She wanted to open a dialogue with him and proceeded to tell him that no one has been able to love her like he did. I pause again to remind you of my sweat pants wearing, NKOTB loving self. I was not even capable of understanding love in sixth grade, let alone making someone feel the most loved in their entire life. This made me start thinking about the intent of the conversation. This woman was looking to open a door to a conversation that would open the door to an opportunity that would open the door to a relationship that would open the door to trouble. Many may read this and find the story outlandish but the reality is that this is happening daily to many more people like this gentleman. There are many more stories like this that I have heard recently about people finding individuals from their past, and some from their present, who want to form this “Facebook relationship” creating an attachment outside of the boundaries of marriage.

The problem is that Facebook and other forms of social media make conversations like the one above seem harmless and have created the means to make these conversations readily available. If you think about what this woman said - that this gentleman was the only person who has made her feel loved - it is easy to see where this could feed an unmet need in both of them.

Sometimes situations present themselves that are designed as bait. This comment was designed for him to not only hear it but to lure him into a conversation that was headed in a very bad direction. Many situations causing the destruction of marriages have started in this very way. People have believed they are making a connection with an old friend or a current friend ultimately finding themselves going deeper and deeper into a “Facebook relationship” resulting in more than they bargained for.

So many individuals feel that their conversations via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and text are harmless. I come today to say that is totally wrong and exactly what the enemy wants you to believe about your behavior. These forms of communication have as much, or more, power than verbal, face-to-face conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Convincing ourselves that conversations happening online aren’t as detrimental, aren’t real, or aren’t a risk to our current relationships is not the truth.

I believe that if you are unable to have the conversation face-to-face in front of your spouse it is wrong, period. It is time that we take authority over our social media instead of letting social media take authority over our lives. We must guard our relationships with diligence and purpose.

The world and the enemy want nothing more to convince us that there is always something or someone better. This is not truth either. It is our responsibility to guard our hearts and our marriages. It is also our responsibility to ensure that we do not engage in conversations that could bring any doubts to our partner about the safety and security in the relationship.

If you know that Facebook or other social media channels are driving a wedge into your relationship, I strongly encourage you to deactivate your account. I encourage everyone to investigate the relationships, friendships, and conversations that take place over this form of media. If you would or could not have them in the presence of your spouse or closest friends, it’s time to make some changes.

A great source of resources and materials to not only help marriages that are in trouble or hurting but also to make your marriage even stronger is MarriageToday. Click here to watch the video “Affair-Proofing Your Marriage” by Jimmy Evans, founder of MarriageToday, which covers many of the topics in this blog. I utilize their resources for many of the couples that come to me for marriage counseling so they have something to take home and work on together in between sessions at my office.

There was a clear vision of a battlefield, Braveheart style, surrounded by trees with this light fog settling on the ground. The Lord spoke about what happens when we go back and try to fight on an old battlefield. Typically when an army moves on to a new place to fight they leave behind the remains of the fight, including the casualties.

So many times in our lives we want to return to an old battlefield and resume the fight. This is not the place we were intended to revisit. If you think about how a battlefield is wide open, it leaves you vulnerable. If there is an opponent they can see you clearly and take an unobstructed shot, leaving you with the wounded or the dead. Once the battle has ended the winner has already been decided, also leaving no reason to stay and fight, what would you be fighting for? There is no opponent anymore. Staying on the field separates you from your army. It leaves you unprotected and unaware of the battle strategy for the next fight.

This vision made me think about the many people who are trying to stay on an old battlefield, fighting a fight that has been over for some time. They are fighting for something that has already been resolved and are fighting against an enemy that has already been defeated. We sometimes stay on that field with old offenses, old hurts, and old struggles instead of moving on to the next opportunity for victory.

If we stay with our army we are able to remain protected, we have ample ammunition, and the best strategy while part of a unit. It is important to keep moving forward to the next destination and the next battle in order to defeat the next enemy. We have enemies in our lives that surface in the shape of emotional distress, interpersonal conflict, or other daily struggles within our relationships and ourselves.

My desire is to always stay in the current fight and resist the temptation to walk backwards to the old battlefields. I want to help those that come to my office to also see the truth about the battles that they are fighting on a daily basis. I want those who have felt stuck on a battlefield to hear the truth about exactly where and how they should be fighting. I want people to be protected and not become easy targets for the enemy.

What battlefield are you fighting on today? Are you on an old field or have you moved on to the new?

Love Wins,

Dr. Cassie

Love wins,

Dr. Cassie

I have made so many mistakes in my life. I am sure we all have, mine were a result of thinking I had all of the answers, enough experience, and that I knew exactly what to do in every situation. Obviously this was a conceited way of thinking.

My husband lost his job about two years ago; this season taught me the value of those with experience. I was struggling to understand what was happening in our lives, how we were going to make ends meet, and what exactly God was doing with me. I reached out to a couple of ladies who had experienced the same thing and finally realized the true value of mentorship. These women walked me though this season, told me I could do it when I felt I couldn’t, and taught me more about myself than I ever could have realized on my own.

Since that time I have come to rely on mentors a great deal to help me make major decisions, guide me through small ones, and pray with me about everything in between. A mentor is someone that brings life, encouragement, and strength into your life. They can teach you something by just doing life with you. Please understand, I didn’t always accept this premise. There were so many times prior to my husband losing his job that I found myself thinking that I was the first person experiencing that struggle, situation, or scenario.

Mentorship is valuable because it gives you a sounding board and a wealth of wisdom to apply to any situation. I was freed by realizing I don’t have all of the answers and most of the time the situation that I struggle with someone has been through it before. It is invaluable to have someone who shares your values and beliefs provide direction and experience. This is an important component of mentorship.

I can reflect back on vision the Lord had given me of a racetrack. I was reading a scholarly article and it discussed how our lives are like a track, the article cautioned the reader to not sit down, or someone will pass them by, leaving them in the dust. I chewed on this for a while and found that there were many life lessons to be learned through the eyes of a race. I found after reading this article that there was value in those who had passed me by, these mentors had experience and knowledge that could help me get to the finish line. They had already seen the next curve and knew what the best strategy would be for staying focused. I feel that many times our society makes those ahead, beyond, or in front of us an enemy instead of an ally, quite the contrary. These individuals have something to teach us, they have been where we are going and have found that experience is the best teacher.

On the flip side some people just starting the race also have something to give us. They have the newest and freshest strategy. They aren’t tired; they still have enthusiasm that we may be lacking. There are many people in our lives that can teach us something. It is a priceless resource that costs nothing. It allows us to learn from the mistakes of others and not have to make them ourselves.

I encourage each of you, if you don’t have a mentor, find someone you can talk to, someone who can speak truth and life into your situation, you will be glad you did.

Love wins,

Dr. Cassie

I plan to share my views on a wide range of topics including current events, clinical matters, things God has laid on my heart and about the growing team at Cassie Reid Counseling.

Hopefully, you will take time to read what I have to say and it would be humbling if in some instance something I share here makes a difference in someones life in a positive way.

Love wins,

Dr. Cassie